- 嘿 你在做什么？ - 嗨 - Hey. What are you doing? - Hi.
我想把沙发搬开 Well, you know, I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
你为什么要那么做？ Why would you want to do that?
那样子我就有好位置可以坐了？ So that there would be a decent place for me to sit?
- 瑞秋 你本来就有好位置坐了 - 你的大腿不算 - Rach, there is a decent place. - And your lap does not count.
- 来吧 帮我把它搬开 - 不 - Okay? Come on, help me move this. - No, no, no.
- 你不要？ - 我不要 - No? - No.
萝希塔不想移开 Rosita does not move.
对不起 萝希塔 是…？ I'm sorry. Rosita? As in...?
就是"不想动的萝希塔" As in "Rosita does not move."
乔伊 只不过是一张椅子 有什么大不了的？ Joey, it's just a chair. What's the big deal?
大不了的是 它到浴室跟到厨房的距离是一样的… The big deal is that it's the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen...
而且它的角度让你完全 看不到史提夫的反光 ...and it's at the perfect angle so you don't get any glare coming off of Stevie.
电视机史提夫？ Stevie the TV?
- 有问题吗？ - 没有 - Is there a problem? - No.
他又知道什么？ Oh, what does he know?
来吧 萝希塔 我们这些辣妹得合作才行 Come on, Rosita. Us chicas gotta stick together.
哦 Ow!
你这个臭女人 You bitch.
嘿 罗斯？ Hey, Ross?
我看过房地产广告版 So I was checking out the real-estate section.
- 耶 - 你看这个 - Yeah. - Look at this.
看起来好像爸妈的房子 Oh, looks like Mom and Dad's house.
院子里的树 正前方也有根断掉的树枝 Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front.
阁楼的窗户… And the, uh, window in the attic...
喔 我的天啊 Oh, my God.
阁楼的窗户怎么了？ What? What happened to the window in the attic?
我不敢相信他们要把它卖掉 I can't believe Mom and Dad are selling the house.
却没有告诉我们 I can't believe they didn't even tell us.
阁楼的窗户到底是怎么了？ I can't believe I still don't know what happened to the window in the attic.
乔伊 我会买张新椅子赔你 好吗？ Okay, come on. I'll buy you a new one, all right?
我们马上到店里去 帮你买一张新椅子 We'll go down to the store right now and we'll get you a new chair.
她还尸骨未寒 She's not even cold yet.
萝希塔难道不希望 你继续过你的日子吗？ But don't you think Rosita would've wanted you to move on?
我是说她永远 把你的幸福放在第一顺位 I mean, you know, she did always put your comfort first.
没错 That's true.
哇哦 Wow.
我不敢相信 我们得跟小时候的家说再见 I can't believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in.
天啊 有个陌生人 就要搬进我的房间里 Man, some stranger's gonna be living in my room.
十五年来 他们把你房间 弄得跟神宠差不多 Well, after 15 years of Mom and Dad keeping it as a shrine to you...
现在一切都该落幕了 ...it's time the velvet ropes came down.
他们也保留你房间有一阵子 They kept your room a while.
拜托 我搬出来二十分钟后 爸就把我的房间变成健身房 Oh, please. Dad turned my room into a gym 20 minutes after I moved out.
我得说 一张日光浴椅 跟一堆维多利亚秘密的目录？ And I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs?
那不是健身房 Not a gym.
- 别这样 你知道他们爱你 - 就跟他们爱你一样？ - Come on. You know they love you. - As much as they love you?
我没出生前 他们以为她不会生 那不是我的错 I was their firstborn. They thought she was barren. It's not my fault.
我讨厌今年 Ugh. I hate this year.
今年有什么不对的？ What's wrong with this year?
现在已经是二月 我只接到两个按摩客人… It's already February and I've only given two massages...
而且他们给小费都给得很吝啬 ...and they were both the worst tippers in the world.
你是指我跟罗斯 That was me and Ross.
喔 没错 Oh, that's right.
如果你需要钱… If you want to pick up some extra cash...
我大学的朋友 做电话行销赚了不少钱 ...some friends of mine made good money in college doing telemarketing.
它一定比上次 我做的电话行销工作还棒 Yeah, it'd probably be better than the last telephone job I had.
或许我不必常常说"打我屁股吧" You know, I probably won't have to say "spank" as much.
什么？ What?
对 你从来没打过那种电话 Oh, yeah, like you never called.
这真的很简单 你只要照着稿子念… So, basically, this is very easy. You read from the script...
试着多卖一点碳粉 ...and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.
好吧 我办得到 Okay, I can do that.
- 对了 我喜欢我的办公室 - 哈哈 - Oh, by the way, I love my office. - Ha, ha.
- 我们为什么不来练习一下？ - 好吧 - Why don't we do a trial run? - Oh, okay.
好吧 Um, all right.
嗨 我是帝国办公室文具公司的菲比 Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies.
请问总务部经理在吗？ Can I speak to your supply manager, please?
我就是总务部经理 I'm the supply manager.
好 我想跟你谈谈买碳粉的事 Um, okay. I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.
- 我们不需要碳粉 - 好吧 抱歉打扰你了 再见 - We don't need any toner. - Well, I'm sorry to bother you. Bye-bye.
你说的对 这真的很容易 Yeah, you're right. This is easy.
好吧 那通电话哪里不对劲呢？ Okay. What was wrong with that call?
好吧 Oh, well, all right.
我没有恶意 但你的态度真的很不好 Um, no offense, but you were kind of rude.
他们永远都会说 他们不需要碳粉 没关系 They're always gonna tell you they don't need toner, but that's okay.
不管他们说什么… Because whatever they say...
你都会在稿子里找到标准解答 ...you can find the answer to it, here in the script.
- 哦 - 我想你准备好要卖碳粉了 - Oh. - So I think you're ready to sell toner.
- 你还有问题吗？ - 没有了 - Do you have any last questions? - No.
等一下 对了 我的确有一个问题 Oh, wait, yes, I do. I do have one question:
什么是碳粉？ What is toner?
乔伊？ Joey?
乔伊？ Joe?
原封未动？ Full bag?
啤酒还是冰的 Beer's still cold.
这里一定发生了很可怕的事 Something terrible must have happened here.
喔 不… Oh, no, no, no.
史提夫 我没来过这里 Stevie, I was never here.
- 爸？ - 我在这里 - Dad? - I'm here.
- 嘿 - 嗨 - Hey. - Hi.
感觉上好像昨天你们 跑来这里看我工作的时候 God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.
我们不敢相信你们要卖掉房子 Dad, we can't believe you're selling the house.
也该让新的家庭 在这里开始他们的新生活了 It's time for a new family to start their memories here.
我希望在支票兑现前 他们不会发现… And hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack...
地基有裂痕 天花板的石棉瓦破了 ...in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.
我们快把东西拿一拿 离开这里吧 Let's just grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
抱歉我们不能收藏你们儿时的东西 I'm sorry we can't store your childhood things anymore.
我等不及要再看到那些东西了 所有的回忆 Oh, it's okay. I can't wait to see everything again. All the memories.
我不知道这里放了什么 I don't know what's in the boxes down here.
但我知道 阁楼上有六 七箱简易烘焙烤箱 But I do know that there are six or seven Easy-Bake Ovens in the attic.
我以前最喜欢玩开餐厅的游戏了 I used to love to play restaurant.
但你最爱的还是"吃面粉糊" Yeah, not as much as you loved to play "uncooked batter eater."
你不能要求小孩子 等着要电灯泡把蛋糕烤好 Hey. It is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies.
我想你的箱子应该都在这里 So I think your boxes are over here.
太棒了 Oh, great.
嘿… Hey...
这是谁的烟？ ...Dad, whose cigarettes are these?
我不知道 I don't know.
一定是你妈的 They must be your mother's.
但求求你别去质问她 我来把烟丢掉 But please, please don't ask her. I'll throw these away.
酷啊 爸 是我的成绩单 Cool. Dad, my report cards.
嘿 快来看看 Hey, check this out. Dad.
数学"优等" 自然"优等" 历史"优等" 体育… Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym...
我的磨石机 Ooh, my rock polisher.
- 惨了 - 怎么了？ - Uh-oh. - What?
你知道每年春天车库都会淹水吗？ You know how the garage floods every spring?
要不你怎么会把房子卖掉？ How are you ever gonna sell this place?
我想我不小心拿摩妮卡的箱子… I think I accidentally used Monica's boxes...
来挡水 免得保时捷进了水 ...to keep the water away from the Porsche.
喔 不 爸 爸？ Oh, no, Dad. Dad?
搞什么… What the...?
喔 天啊 Oh, God.
一切都毁了 Everything's ruined.
爸 她一定会崩溃的 Dad, she's gonna be crushed.
你该不会是偷偷在抽烟吧？ You don't secretly smoke, do you?
没有 No.
所以是你妈在抽烟 So it's just your mother, then.
嗨 我是帝国办公室文具公司的菲比 Hi. This is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies.
请问总务部经理在吗？ Can I speak to your supply manager, please?
厄尔 谢谢 Earl. Thanks.
嗨 厄尔 我是帝国办公室 文具公司的菲比 Hi, Earl. This is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies.
我想跟你谈谈买碳粉的事 I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.
我不需要碳粉 I don't need any toner.
我知道了 但是听了我们的价格 大家都会想买碳粉 I'm hearing what you're saying, but at our prices, everyone needs toner.
我不要 Not me.
能请问你为什么吗？ May I ask why?
你想知道为什么？ You want to know why?
我真的很想 I surely do.
好吧 Okay.
我不需要碳粉… I don't need any toner...
因为我就要自杀了 ...because I'm gonna kill myself.
额 Um...
那是因为你的碳粉用完了吗？ Is that because you're out of toner?
好吧 今天我不需要碳粉 谢谢你 再见 Okay, so no toner today. Thanks anyway. Bye-bye.
等一下 我不能让你挂电话 No, no, wait, wait. I can't just let you hang up.
请你跟我说话 Just please talk to me.
喔… Well...
今天我只需要做一件事 I only had one thing to do today.
(今天的工作 自杀)
我猜我能把它延期一下吧 I guess I could push it back.
好吧 你为什么要自杀？ Yeah. Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
十年来 我一直在做… I've been working for 10 years now at this...
这份没有意义又没有前途的工作… ...meaningless, dead-end job...
办公室里的人根本不知道我的存在 ...and nobody here even knows that I exist.
钱德？ Chandler?
你说什么？ I'm sorry?
听着… Oh. Look...
我相信他们都知道你的存在 ...I'm sure that people know you exist.
是吗？我在一个小房间工作四周都是人 Oh, yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people.
我已经跟你谈了五分钟 我要自杀的问题… I've been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself...
没有人抬头起来看我一眼 等一下 ...and no one's even looked up from their desk. Hang on.
嘿 大伙们… Hey, everybody, uh...
我要自杀了 ...I'm gonna kill myself.
他们不理我 I got nothing.
好漂亮的椅子 Good chair.
好了 如果有人问起… Now, if anybody asks...
你的名字就叫萝希塔 ...your name is Rosita.
可怜的小东西 她是英年早逝 Poor thing. Cut down in her prime.
乔伊 新椅子一小时内就会送来 Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour.
或许我们该把萝希塔搬出去 Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here, you know?
开始疗伤止痛 Start the healing process.
- 好吧 我猜你说的对 - 好吧 - Yeah, I guess you're right. - Okay.
她恢复了 She's healed.
- 那太奇怪了 - 不 一点都不奇怪 - That's weird. - No, it's not weird.
这是奇迹 It's a miracle.
这不是奇迹 我相信这一定有合理的解释 It's not a miracle, Joey. I'm sure there's an explanation.
没错 只要你的心地纯正… There is. If you want something enough and your heart is pure...
奇迹一定会发生 ...wondrous things can happen.
她会了解的 我不是故意的 Well, she'll understand, right? It's not like I did it on purpose.
爸 对她来说那并不重要 Dad, that won't matter to her.
你看 我的箱子完全没事 她的东西都… Look, all my stuff is safe and dry. And all her stuff is...
长出新的东西了 ...growing new stuff.
就是这样的事… See, this is exactly the kind of thing...
让她认为你们爱我更胜于爱她 ...that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
天啊 她真的那么认为？ Oh, my God. Does she really think that?
你能怪她吗？ Well, can you blame her?
我不知道 或许我们在潜意识里 是偏爱你的 I don't know. I suppose we may have favored you unconsciously.
你是个奇迹 You were a medical marvel.
- 医生说你妈没办法… - 我不想听了 - The doctors said your mom couldn't... - I don't want to hear about it.
- 真的吗？ - 现在不想 - Really? - Well, not right now.
摩妮卡来这里找回忆 Okay, look. Monica came here for some memories.
该死 我们得给她一些回忆 Damn it, we're gonna give her some.
好吧 拿… Okay, grab...
把空箱子拿过来 我们拿一些我的东西… Grab some empty boxes, okay? We'll take stuff from mine...
放在这些箱子里 只要能骗过她的就行 ...and whatever we can pass off as hers, we'll put them in there.
- 好吧 - 譬如说这个 这可能是她做的 - Right. - Like, this. She could have made this.
- 这可能是她的 - 没错 - This could have been hers. - Sure.
现在是告诉我那个"医学奇迹"… You know, if you want to tell the medical marvel story while we work...
的适当时机了 ...that'd be fine.
我好高兴我能把这张椅子 留下来给自己用 I am so psyched I kept this chair for myself.
对 我也是 Yeah. Me too.
你知道这张椅子的头垫上 还附了喇叭吗？ Wow, you know, that this thing has speakers in the headrest?
- 不 真的吗？ - 没错 - No, really? - Yeah.
你可以把它跟电视机接在一起 还可以听收音机 You can hook it up to your TV and you get radio.
我的椅子有自疗的功能 My chair heals itself.
好吧 我们别提 办公室的同事了 好吗？ All right. Earl, let's just forget about the people at the office, okay?
一定有人值得你留恋 There's gotta be someone else in your life that's worth sticking around for.
你的家人跟朋友呢？ 或许你有女朋友？ What about your family or friends? Or maybe a girlfriend?
是啊 Heh. Yeah, right.
喔 抱歉 你的男朋友呢？ Oh, sorry. Boyfriend?
好了 我应该… Okay, I should...
去做我想做的事了 I should probably be getting back to my thing now.
- 再见 - 不 - See you. - No.
我还没有说完 你休想挂我电话 I'm not finished yet. Don't you dare hang up on me!
新来的女同事真的有一套 The new girl's good.
哪些箱子是我的？ So which boxes are mine?
- 你的箱子在这里 - 好吧 - These are yours right here. - Okay.
- 着色簿 - 对 你喜欢那个玩意 - Oh, a coloring book. - Yeah, yeah. Oh, you loved that thing.
你去哪里都会… You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without...
都会带着那本着色簿 Without that coloring book.
真的吗？ Really?
看起来我老是没办法 把颜色涂在线里 Wow. Looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.
才不 Uh-uh.
哇 你看这个 Wow, look at this.
我不敢相信以前我穿得下这件了恤 I can't believe I even fit into this shirt.
(暴龙 罗斯)
喔 这是你的 Oh, this is yours.
我不知道它怎么会跑到那里去 I don't know how that got in there.
嘿 这不是我的东西 Hey, this isn't my stuff.
罗斯 这些是你的箱子 Ross, these are your boxes.
我的箱子在哪里？ Where are my boxes?
车库淹水 甜心 你的箱子都进了水 对不起 The garage flooded, sweetie, and it ruined everything in your boxes.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
- 只有我的箱子进水了？ - 恐怕是那样的 - Just mine? - I'm afraid so.
为什么罗斯的东西都没坏？ So why wasn't Ross' stuff ruined?
我用你的箱子挡水来保护我的保时捷 I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche.
罗斯的东西都没事 但我什么回忆都没有了… So wait. Ross' stuff is fine, but I have no memories...
只为了你不希望 你的汽车底盘触到水？ ...because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car from water?
水里有树叶 泥巴跟杂物 Well, there was also leaves and gook and stuff.
我不敢相信 I can't believe this.
去他的 我要抽根烟 Screw it. I'm having one.
- 嘿 钱德 - 嘿 - Hey, Chandler. - Hey.
你要不要试试看一张可以平躺… How would you like to sit in a chair that fully reclines...
有滚轮按摩功能… ...has a rolling massage...
头垫还附了喇叭的椅子？ ...and speakers in the headrest?
我试过很多次… Yeah, I'd love to, but I've tried that so many times...
但他们已经不再让我走进他们店里 ...they won't even let me in the store anymore.
如果我说你可以到我家试坐一下呢？ Well, what if I told you that you could do it in my apartment?
你是说… Are you telling me...
你买了那张让其他椅子 都变成废物的椅子？ ...that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete?
那张《椅子杂志》封为 "年度最佳椅子"的椅子？ The chair that Sit Magazine called "Chair of the Year"?
我刚刚买了… I just purchased...
懒男孩E倾斜3000型 ...the La-Z-Boy E-Cliner 3000.
喔 那真的是太棒了 太帅了 你为什么会买呢？ Well, that's awesome. That's great. What made you do it?
说来话长 但我弄坏了乔伊的椅子… Well, it's a long story, but I broke Joey's chair...
哇…你弄坏了乔伊的椅子？ Whoa, whoa, whoa. You broke Joey's chair?
- 耶 - 我以为是我干的 - Yeah. - I thought I broke Joey's chair.
- 所以我用我的椅子跟它调包 - 哦 - That's why I replaced it with mine. - Oh.
所以它才会恢复了 That's how it got fixed.
你以为是妖精把它修好的？ Well, what did you think? That elves came in and fixed it?
不 No.
是天使干的 Angels.
- 我要把我的椅子拿回来 - 嘿 - I'm getting my chair back. - Hey.
喔 看起来它根本没有自疗功能 Well, looks like it wasn't healed after all.
我猜这张椅子是我的了 So I guess this chair's mine now.
乔伊 你弄坏了我的椅子 Joey, you broke my chair!
你的椅子？ Your chair?
他以为他把它弄坏了 所以他调换了椅子 Yeah, he thought he broke your chair, so he switched the chairs.
- 奇迹根本不存在？ - 没错 乔伊 奇迹不存在 - So there was no miracle? - No, Joe. No miracle.
喔 不 这真的是太糟糕了 Oh, no. This is devastating.
我的信念被击垮了 My faith is shaken.
我很高兴 这张新椅子能陪我走过这一切 I'm so glad I have the new chair to get me through this difficult time in my life.
请问厄尔在哪里？ Excuse me, could you tell me where can I find Earl?
他是总务部经理 He's the supply manager here.
抱歉 我不认识厄尔 Sorry, I don't know any Earl.
我就在这里 I'm right here!
厄尔？ Earl?
- 我是菲比 - 菲比？ - I'm Phoebe. - Phoebe?
卖碳粉的小姐？ The lady who sells toner?
听着 你不能自杀 Um, look, you can't kill yourself.
我很感激你赶过来… Look, um, I really appreciate you coming down...
不 我不能让你那么做 No, no, I can't let you do it.
为什么？ Why?
因为命运让我今天打电话给你 Because it was fate that made me call you today.
我还以为你打电话来是要卖碳粉 I thought it was toner.
好好想一想 好吗？这根本不是我的正职 No. Think about it, okay? This isn't even my regular job, okay?
我第一天上班就第一个打电话给你 And my first day on the job, you're my first call.
其他人可能会挂掉电话 但我不会那么做… And somebody else might have hung up on you, but I wouldn't do that...
因为我了解这种事 ...because I know about this stuff.
- 我妈是自杀的 - 真的吗？ - My mom killed herself. - Really?
- 是的 - 她是怎么自杀的 - Yes. - How?
我才不会教你 I'm not gonna give you tips.
你看不出来… Look, don't you see that this...?
这些都是注定好的 所以我才会来阻止你自杀？ This all came together so that I could stop you from doing this.
- 这不是巧合吗？ - 不 这是命中注定 - Couldn't it just be a coincidence? - No, it's fate.
它看起来不像是命中注定 It doesn't really seem like enough to be fate.
喔 好吧 好吧 有件事很奇怪 Oh, well. Um, okay, here's a weird thing.
我妈妈也是总务部经理 My mother was also a supply manager.
事实上我是办公室经理 I'm actually the office manager.
我的天啊 她也是 Oh, my God. So was she!
还有这个 好吧 And get this, okay.
你是厄尔 对吧？她叫做普厄儿 Your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl.
普…厄尔 Pearl.
还有别的证据吗？ Was there anything else?
当然有 Sure.
你是哪里人？ Um, where are you from?
- 费城 - 喔 我的天啊 她也是 - Philadelphia. - Oh, my God, so was she!
我都起鸡皮疙瘩了 Oh, I've got goose bumps.
真的吗？ Really?
- 我穿太多了 而且这里很热 - 是啊 - Well, I'm wearing layers, and it's warm. - Yeah.
或许这些混蛋不在乎你… But... Look. Okay. These jerks might not care about you...
但宇宙在乎你 那才是最重要的 ...but the universe does, and that says a lot.
你们听到了吗？ Did you hear that?
我不需要你们在乎我… I don't need you guys to care about me...
因为宇宙在乎我 ...because the universe cares.
整个宇宙在乎我 The whole universe!
我真的希望他们能在乎我一下 I really wish they'd care just a little bit.
喔 这真的是太可怕了 Oh, this is terrible.
所有的东西都毁了 Everything is destroyed.
你看这个 Look at this.
它一定很重要我才会保存它 现在我看不出来它是什么东西 It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and now I can't tell what it is.
它还软软的 It's still soft.
你觉得它是什么呢？ What do you think this is?
我想它是老鼠 Mon, I think it was a mouse.
- 你还好吗？甜心 - 你觉得呢？ - How are you, honey? - How do you think I am?
你毁了我的童年回忆… You've wrecked all my childhood memories...
你们爱罗斯比爱我多 ...you love Ross more than me.
我刚刚还拿死了的老鼠触我的脸 And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face.
甜心 我们爱你就像我们爱罗斯一样 Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross.
箱子的事我很抱歉… Now, I'm sorry about everything that happened...
也许我永远没办法补偿你… ...and I'll probably never be able to make it up to you...
但这是个开始 ...but here's a start.
- 这是什么？ - 我的保时捷的钥匙 - What's this? - It's the key to my Porsche.
你的保时捷的钥匙 Well, the key to your Porsche.
- 什么？ - 什么？ - What? - What?
我一直想把它卖掉 I've been thinking of getting rid of it...
有天我在车子看到自己的倒影 ...and I was driving it the other day and I saw my reflection in a window.
你妈说的对 我看起来像个瘪三 Your mother's right, I do look like an ass.
你要把它送给我？你一定是在开玩笑 You're giving it to me? You're kidding me, right?
等一下 Well, wait a minute.
几箱蠢东西湿掉了 她就可以拿到保时捷？ I mean, a couple of stupid boxes get wet, and she gets a Porsche?
- 我们去兜个风吧 - 太帅了 - Why don't we take it for a spin? - All right.
我呢？我是医学奇迹耶 What about me? I'm a medical marvel!
- 喔 好耶 - 哦 - Oh, yeah. - Oh.
- 嘿 你们都在 - 嘿 - Hey, guys. - Hey.
你们看到钱德的椅子 巴卡兰格了吗？ Know what happened to Chandler's Barcalounger?
乔伊把它弄坏了 于是他把它丢了 Oh, yeah. Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
你在开玩笑吗？我得到了保时捷 而且巴卡兰格被丢掉了？ Are you kidding? I get a Porsche and the Barcalounger's gone?
这是有史以来最棒的一天 Heh. This is the best day ever!