《绝望的主妇》 前情提要 Previously on Desperate Housewives:
麦克打算向苏珊求婚的计划 Mike's plan to propose to Susan...
-这些东西不是简的 -是麦克·德尔非诺的 - These don't belong to Jane. - Mike Delfino.
让伊恩大吃一惊 ... was a surprise to Ian.
莫妮可遭到谋杀 Monique was murdered.
出意外了 There's been an accident.
而奥森... And Orson...
别忘了你的扳手 Don't forget your wrench.
...则嫁祸于人 ...passed the blame.
有人暗中偷情 A connection was made.
有人伤心欲绝 布里下葬了丈夫雷克斯 A heart was broken. And Bree buried her husband Rex.
我叫雷克斯·范德坎普 My name is Rex Van de Kamp.
我在世时总是很讨厌墓地 I always hated cemeteries when I was alive.
现在我死了 就更不喜欢这里了 Now that I'm dead, I like 'em even less.
这是我以前居住的地方 Here's where I used to live.
比墓地强多了 不是吗 A whole lot nicer, don't you think?
我去世后此地并无多大变化 The place hasn't changed much since I left.
像以前一样品位高雅 整整洁洁 As tasteful and tidy as ever.
一切都很完美 至少表象如此 Everything perfect... at least, on the surface.
我的家庭也是这样 My family was the same way.
瞧瞧我们 Look at us.
你不可能猜到为了拍照 You'd never guess how ticked off
那天我们有多么恼火 we all were the day this was taken.
但这就是范德坎普一家的特色 But that was the thing about us Van de Kamps.
想要真正融入 To really fit in,
你就必须用微笑掩饰一切 you had to have a smile that gave away nothing.
比如说我儿子安德鲁 Like my son Andrew.
乍一看 你绝不可能 To look at him you'd never
想到他曾露宿街头六个月 know he spent six months on the streets,
靠乞讨和卖淫为生 supporting himself with panhandling and light prostitution.
或是我的女儿丹妮尔 Or my daughter Danielle.
她看起来像那种 Does she look like the kind of girl
勾引自己中年历史老师的女孩吗 who'd seduce her middle-aged history teacher?
他们是我的孩子 我爱他们 I mean, they're my kids and I love 'em,
但是我死了还真松了一口气 but I'm pretty darn relieved to be dead.
这是布里用来取代我的小丑 奥森 Here's the clown Bree replaced me with: Orson.
我可以说 I don't mind saying,
他从一开始就让我毛骨悚然 he's creeped me out right from the get go.
在我看来 他一副奸诈的样子 To me, he always has the shifty look of a guy
像那种知道尸体被埋在何处的人 who knows where the bodies are buried.
他是该知道 因为是他亲手埋的 And he should know... he buried them.
但布里觉得他是加拉哈德骑士 But Bree thinks he's Sir Galahad.
孩子们喜欢他... The kids like him...
而我所有朋友 现在都与他交好 And all my friends... now his friends.
所以得知起码有一位老友看透了他 So it pleases me to know at least one of my old neighbors
让我十分高兴 sees right through the guy.
麦克 布里刚走 Mike, you, uh... you just missed Bree.
她去看她的父母 She's off to see her folks,
然后我们就去度蜜月了 then we're finally taking our honeymoon.
你现在离开小镇时机正好 是吧 Yeah, not a bad time for you to leave town, is it?
我不明白你什么意思 Well, I don't follow you.
我只是一直在想那晚莫妮可家发生的事 I just keep thinking about that night at Monique's place.
你让我别忘了拿扳手 How you made sure I left with my wrench,
上面有她的血迹 the one with her blood on it.
那确实是你的扳手啊 Well, it was your wrench.
你为什么又旧事重提 Why are you rehashing this?
我的前妻在遗书里坦白了一切 这案子结了 My ex-wife confessed in her suicide note, the case is closed.
也许不该如此 Maybe it shouldn't be.
你觉得警方会怎么想 What do you think the police
如果他们知道你那晚在场 would say if they knew you were there that night?
如果警方知道你把我 What do you think they'd
从屋顶上推了下去 他们会怎么想 say if they knew you threw me off a roof?
麦克 Oh, Mike.
我们会让彼此都惹上大麻烦 We could make so much trouble for each other.
或者我们可以尽弃前嫌 Or we can forget what we think we know
和睦相邻 and be good neighbors.
你决定 Your call.
不 我并不愿意 No, Orson Hodge isn't exactly
让奥森·霍吉成为一家之主 the guy I'd have picked to head my family.
但是我不得不说 But I'll give him one thing...
他的笑容让人不寒而栗 he's got the smile down cold.
在郊区的任何一条街道上行驶 Take a drive down any street in suburbia.
知道会看到什么吗 Know what you're gonna see?
绝望的女人 Desperate women.
是的 一位又一位不幸福的主妇 That's right. One unhappy housewife after another.
她们都以自己独特的方式 Each completely miserable...
过着痛苦的生活 ... in her own unique way.
但我不想谈论她们 But I don't want to talk about them.
不 我想谈论的是她们的丈夫 No, I want to talk about their men.
当他们的白雪公主 And what happens to a guy
渐渐变得俗不可耐 他们会怎么样呢 when that special lady in his life starts to lose it.
比如我朋友卡洛斯 Like my friend Carlos.
他以前春风得意 He used to have it all.
漂亮的妻室 家财万贯 然后砰地一声 Hot wife, tons of dough. Then bam!
她提出离婚 而他却财政吃紧 She gets a divorce and he gets stuck with the bill.
但他有没有无所事事 But does he sit around
像主妇一样抱怨呢 and complain like your average hausfrau?
他可没有 No, sir.
他尽力和生活抗争 He finds creative ways to get what you can out of life.
-哥们 你去哪里 -医院打来电话 - Hey, bro, where you off to? - The hospital called.
他们找到了发生意外那晚 我的随身物品 They found the stuff I had on me the night of the accident.
又是昏迷 又是被指控谋杀 老兄 你今年够惨的 Coma, murder rap. You've had a tough year, buddy.
你知道你需要什么吗 让自己放纵一下 You know what you need? Some pampering.
明天你住进一家豪华酒店 Tomorrow you're checking into a nice hotel.
客房服务 按摩浴缸 我请客 Room service, Jacuzzi... my treat.
-你想把我支走吗 -麦克 我为什么要这样做 - You trying to get me out of the house? - Mike, why would I?
-好吧 有个姑娘 -我就知道 - OK, there's this girl. - I knew it.
哥们 她是名舞女 Dude, she's a dancer.
她的网上个人资料里显示 And if her online profile is any indication.
她是一个怪人 She's a completely freak.
她有严重的恋父情结 We're talking serious daddy issues.
我待在自己房间里 不会影响你的 Look, I'll stay in my room. You'll never hear me
但你会听到我闹出动静 Yeah, but you'll hear me.
我天生就是个活力四射的人 I'm kind of exuberant by nature.
如果我没能享受到 就会浪叫连连 When I haven't had it in a while, I do this shrieking thing.
这意味着... That I means....
好了好了 我出去 你闭嘴吧 OK, all right, I'll go. Just stop talking.
谢了 哥们 Thanks, pal!
我不想因为这件事而影响我们的友谊 I wouldn't want it to put a weird spin on our friendship.
太晚了 Too late.
这是我朋友汤姆 This is my friend Tom.
你听说他最近在忙活些什么吗 Have you heard what he's been up to lately?
这个愚货开了一家披萨店 The silly bastard opened up his own pizza place.
他以为如果自己当老板 He thought that if he was his own boss,
就可以随心所欲地睡懒觉了 he could sleep in as late as he wanted.
但是这一逻辑的问题是 有妇之夫 But the problem with that logic is that married guys...
九点多了 汤姆西诺 赶紧的 起床了 It's after nine. Come on, Tomasino, it's time to get up.
永远当不了老板 ... are never their own boss.
-你和我一样累吗 -比你更累 - Are you as tired as I am? - More.
但是我更坚强 而且不怎么抱怨 But I'm tougher, and I complain less.
你生小孩时可不是这样 你经常抱怨 Not when you give birth. And you do that a lot.
是吗 Oh, yeah?
对了 西努餐厅给你打来电话 Before I forget, you got a call from Chez Nous
让你确认我们结婚纪念日的预约 confirming your reservation for our anniversary.
你听到了吗 我想给你个惊喜 You heard that? I wanted that to be a surprise.
过去七年的结婚纪念日我们都在那里吃饭 We've been going there for the last seven years.
算不上什么惊喜 It's not exactly a surprise.
总之 我希望你别介意 我取消预约了 Anyway, I hope you don't mind, but I canceled.
你取消了 为什么 You canceled? Why?
说实话 今年我不怎么想出门 Honestly, I just don't feel up to going out this year.
但这是我们的结婚纪念日啊 第九年了 But it's our anniversary. It's our ninth anniversary.
拜托 都已经九年了啊 Come on, the big nine.
这可比我妈的预测还要多一年 That's a year longer than my mom said we would be married.
来吧 我们得好好庆祝一番 Come on, we gotta party down.
我精疲力尽了 老实说 I'm exhausted. Honestly.
我只想把孩子们 All I want to do is pawn the
推给别人照顾 然后洗个痛快的热水澡 kids off on somebody else, take a long bath,
-然后八点就上床睡觉 -好吧 - and be in bed by eight. - OK.
谢谢 太谢谢了 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
等等 那做爱呢 Hold it. What about my sex?
结婚纪念日的晚上我们总要做爱的 I always get sex on our anniversary.
好啊 尽量别把我弄醒就行 We can still have sex. Just try not to wake me.
这是伊恩 This is Ian.
我不太了解这人 Don't really know the guy,
但是苏珊·梅尔好像挺喜欢他 but Susan Mayer seems to like him.
有一晚 他出乎意料地向她求婚 The other night he surprised her with a proposal.
她答应了 但是他仍有一丝紧张 She said yes, but he's still a little skittish...
因为有一场竞争 ... about the competition.
但是伊恩知道 如果情场如战场 But Ian knows that if love is war...
你这么早起来要去哪里呢 Hey. Where were you off to so early this morning?
有时你得使出杀手锏 ...sometimes you gotta bring out the big artillery.
我应该在求婚时就给你的 I should've had it when I proposed.
我知道这样没礼貌 It's not very good form, I know.
伊恩 你是开玩笑吧 Ian, oh, you can't be serious!
这太过了 好大啊 Oh, that's just too much! It's huge!
-我们可以换个小点的 -没人说要换小的 - Well, we could go smaller. - No one's saying smaller!
那真是疯了 No, that's crazy talk.
给我戴上 Rock me.
天啊 太美了 Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, it's so beautiful!
大家都不要动 Oh, oh! OK, OK, nobody move!
找到了 I got it!
我就知道我该量量你的手指 I knew I should have measured your finger.
没事 我可以改尺寸 No, It's OK. I can get it resized.
你现在就该去珠宝店 You should go to the jeweler's now.
你回来后 我们可以 When you get back,
去看看举行婚礼的地方 we can go and look at some places for the reception.
婚礼 Reception?
是啊 我希望我们下个月就能完婚 Yes, I was hoping we'd pull this together next month.
-这么急干嘛 我怀孕了吗 -当然没有 - What's the rush? Am I pregnant? - Of course not.
我只是 我只是等不及要娶你 I just... I just can't wait to be married to you.
你确定吗 你看起来有点紧张 Are you sure? Because you seem a little anxious.
我有什么好紧张的 What would I have to be anxious about?
抱歉弄错了 请在这里签名 Again, sorry for the mix-up. If you could sign right here.
我不记得这个了 你确定是我的吗 I don't remember this. Are you sure that's mine?
这是入院那晚在你身上找到的 It was on you the night you were admitted.
我被车撞了 那晚的事都不记得了 I got hit by a car. I don't remember anything about that night.
看起来好像你要向某人求婚的样子 Well, it looks like you were going to propose to someone.
"苏珊 与我白头偕老 麦克" "Susan, be mine forever. Mike."
想起什么了吗 Does that ring a bell?
当然 It sure does.
卡洛斯 Hey, Carlos!
你好 Hi.
有位小客人 I have a little visitor that
我猜你一定很想见见 I thought you might get a kick out of seeing.
记得我儿子吗 Remember my little boy?
你好啊 崔沃斯 Hey! Travers!
最近怎样 来击个掌 How you doing? Put her there!
我叫卡洛斯·索利斯 I'm Carlos Solis.
我记得万圣节时 你来过我家要糖果 I think you came by my house one time trick-or-treating.
我记得 你给了我一根蛋白棒 I remember. You gave me a protein bar.
是啊 Right.
抱歉 我太太忘记买糖了 Sorry. My wife forgot to buy candy.
电视在播橄榄球吗 Hey! Is that football I hear?
快去看吧 Go on, check it out.
我不知道你儿子突然来看你啊 I didn't know your son was coming for a visit.
我也不知道 Neither did I.
他爸爸把他甩这儿呆四周 His, uh, father just dumped him here for four weeks
他好和他那帮医生一起启程 so he could jet off with his doctors without borders buddies,
到肯尼亚去治什么唇裂病 and fix cleft palates in Kenya.
真是个自私鬼 Selfish son of a bitch.
拜托 你平时很少见他 不是挺好的 Come on, you barely ever see him. It'll be fun.
增进一下感情 A chance to bond.
是 没错 Yeah, that's true.
但...今晚我有个很重要的派对 But, um, I have this major party tonight,
我在想 你是否 and I was wondering if, maybe,
有时间帮我照看他几个小时 you could just keep an eye on him for a few hours.
-抱歉 今晚不行 -拜托 你喜欢孩子的 - Sorry, I can't tonight. - Oh, come on! You love kids!
你不是还找了个中国妞 Didn't you rent that Chinese chick
做代孕吗 so that you could have one of your own?
我也有个约会 I have a date too.
和一位热辣得冒烟的妞 With a chick so hot I had to turn off the smoke alarms in my house.
行 Fine.
崔沃斯 过来 我们走 Travers, come on, let's go.
这里不欢迎孩子 This isn't a child-friendly house.
再见 崔沃斯 Bye, Travers.
-她真是个美女啊 -是啊 - Wow. She's a looker. - I'll say.
-募捐会什么时候开始 -还有一个小时 - Hey, what time's that fund-raiser? - You got an hour.
那就找点乐子吧 Well, then, let's have a little fun.
瞧瞧你干的好事 Look what you did!
对我吼干嘛 又不是我开的车 Don't yell at me. I'm just the passenger.
你的司机是个蠢货 Well, your driver's an idiot.
这也不能怪克莱德啊 Hey, it's not Clyde's fault.
哪个男人不会被这尤物分神呢 What man wouldn't be distracted by such beauty?
你在和我调情吗 Now you're hitting on me?
我是指这辆车 I was talking about the car.
那好 你喜欢最好 Well, good, I'm glad you like it,
你得赔我修理费 because you're gonna pay to fix this.
当然 五千够吗 Of course. Will five thousand cover it?
五千 Five?
我想够了 Sure, I guess.
那就不要申请保险索赔了 Rather not file an insurance claim.
竞争对手发现了 会弄得我难堪的 My opponent could find out and try to make me look bad.
竞争对手 Opponent?
你没看新闻吧 I guess you don't read the papers.
我在竞选市长 I'm running for mayor.
我叫维克多·朗 My name's Victor Lang.
还希望你赏脸投个票 And I hope I can count on your vote.
我还是投给别人好了 I think I'd rather vote for the other guy.
谁要你撞了我的车呢 You know, the one who didn't wreck my car.
你没戏了 连电话都没要到 You're off your game. Didn't even get a phone number.
没事的 我们还会再见的 Oh, don't worry, I'll be seeing her again.
你怎么这么肯定 How can you be so sure?
支票我没签名 I didn't sign the check.
-你想干嘛 -我们得聊聊 - What the hell are you doing? - We need to talk.
不 不聊 下车 No, we don't. Get out.
拜托 你都不回我电话 Please. You won't return my calls!
我最近很忙 Well, I've been busy.
而且我妈抓到你和我朋友鬼混 Plus, my mom caught you naked on top of my friend.
看完这个 Just read this.
如果你还是不想和我说话 If you still don't want to talk to me,
我就永远不来烦你了 then I'll never bother you again.
好吧 我看 Fine, I'll read it.
但你得马上就下车 But only if you get out of the car now.
-现在 正喷热蜡呢 -我知道啊 - Now? But the hot wax is starting. - I know.
时间快到啦 Tick-tock.
你还在里面呢 You're still in there?
你还要多久拔完你的连心眉啊 How long does it take to pluck that unibrow?
走开 Leave me alone!
丹妮尔 我还有十分钟上班就迟到了 Danielle, I have to be at work in ten minutes.
拜托 能让我进去刷个牙吗 Now, can I please just come in and brush my teeth?
我今天心情很不好 走开行吗 I'm having a really bad day, all right? Just go away!
我要是口气熏天拿不到小费 I'm gonna have a really bad day, too!
我心情也会不好的 I tend not to get tipped when my breath stinks!
我怀孕了 I'm pregnant.
麦克 你怎么来这儿了 Mike. What are you doing here?
你好 我来卖点珠宝的 Oh, hey, I'm just selling some old jewelry.
我问过经理了 I spoke to my manager.
把刻字除掉是要收费的 There's gonna be a charge to remove the inscription,
但订婚戒指是可以退掉的 but we can refund you for the engagement ring.
好极了 That'll be fine.
-这戒指是用来... -是 - Was that the ring you bought for...? - Yeah.
我能帮你什么吗 Can I help you?
是的 我想改下尺寸 有点大 Uh, yeah, I have to get this sized. It's a little loose.
-你知道你的尺寸吗 -不知道 - Do you know your size? - No.
顺便说句 祝贺你 Congratulations, by the way.
-伊安是个好人 -谢谢 - Ian seems great. - Thanks.
我找不到尺寸仪了 I can't find my sizer.
给 试试这个 Here, try this one.
不要 这是... Oh, no! That...
合适吗 How's that fit?
-完美无缺 -太好了 - It's perfect. - Great.
-能取下给我吗 -不好意思 - Can I have it back now? - Oh. Sorry.
你有个表亲是做豪华轿车生意的吧 Hey, you've got a cousin in the limo business, don't you?
其实我有个表亲 Actually, I've got a cousin.
在做"豪华轿车卖淫"的生意 In the "Limo as a front for prostitution" business.
他坐牢了 有事吗 He's in jail. Why do you ask?
我为结婚纪念日做计划 Oh, I'm just planning a big thing for my anniversary.
不准备像往年去西努餐厅那般无聊吗 Aren't you gonna go to Chez boring like every year?
不是 No.
勒奈特厌倦了吃饭 她准备睡一整晚 Lynette's so over that, she was ready to bag the whole night.
所以我得费脑子了 So it got me thinking.
九年了 是时候尝试点新鲜玩意了 For nine years, it's time to shake things up.
现在我在计划 终极结婚纪念日 Now I'm planning the greatest anniversary of all time.
听着 Check this out.
勒奈特会打开门 Lynette's gonna open the door
发现豪华轿车司机手捧玫瑰和贺卡 to find a driver with a dozen roses and a card.
卡片上说 The card is gonna tell her
跟着他走 别问任何问题 to go with the guy and not ask any questions.
他会载她到市郊 He'll drive her out to the country.
让她下车 然后开走 He'll drop her off, then drive away.
她正觉得害怕时 Just as she is starting to freak out,
我坐着白马拉的车 I show up in a horse-drawn carriage,
马车带我们来到怀特曼悬崖餐厅 which takes us up to Whitman's Bluff
在那儿我们共进晚餐 where we eat a catered dinner
听着美妙的小提琴声 and listen to a professional violinist.
后来 我们回到家 Afterwards, when we come home,
我确定勒奈特会以特有的方式表示谢意 I'm sure Lynette will think of a way to thank me.
你真是个浪漫的情种 You are one romantic son of a bitch.
我也有浪漫一刻了 I have my moments.
当然 我不是在质疑 Of course I'm not questioning
詹森市长的家庭观 Mayor Johnson's family values.
我肯定 他想让他的妹夫 I'm sure they're what prompted him to put his sister's
和六个表亲在市政厅有钱领 brother-in-law and six of his cousins on the city payroll.
不好意思 我得提前结束这次采访了 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to cut this interview short.
我有笔重要的生意要谈 I have some very important business to attend to.
索利斯小姐 什么风把你吹来了 Ms. Solis, what a nice surprise.
你是为我竞选加油的吗 Are you here to make a contribution to my campaign?
不是 Not exactly.
不是吧 我忘签名了 Oh, no. Did I forget to sign?
真是抱歉 I'm so sorry.
我来补偿你一下吧 Let me make it up to you.
带你吃晚餐 我请 I'll take you to dinner. My treat.
当然你请 约我的人可多了 It would be your treat. I'm a hot date.
有什么特别的地方呢 What's in it for me?
我有 "出众的智慧 迷人的笑容" Well, I have, uh, "an ingratiating wit, trustworthy smile,"
《普莱维先驱报》是这么评价的 according to the Plainview Herald.
好吧 请签名 Yeah. Check, please.
我家还坐拥朗氏企业 My family also owns Lang Enterprises.
我爸有几百万的资产 Dad's worth a few hundred mill.
好吧 民以食为天 Well, a girl's gotta eat.
不错 我们去卡琦纳餐厅 Great, I'll take us to Cucina.
这家最难订位置了 There's no place harder to get into.
这是你一家之言 That's what you think.
麦克 真的没必要 Mike, this is completely unnecessary.
你的律师费是我出于好意 不是借你的 My paying for your lawyer was a favor, it wasn't a loan.
我很感激 但我不想欠别人的 I appreciate it. I don't like to owe anybody.
我希望你的生活 Well, I-I just don't want you to
能尽快恢复到正轨 have any trouble getting back on your feet.
没事 我有笔意外之财 No, it's fine. I had a windfall.
我不知道我住院前 Hospital gave me back an engagement ring.
还有一枚订婚戒 I didn't know I had.
真的吗 所以你卖了 Oh, really? So you sold it?
你应该留着 等着真命天女的到来 You should've kept it till the right girl comes along.
我无法把它再送给别人 Well, I couldn't give this ring to just anyone.
对啊 你刻了字 Oh, right. The... The inscription.
你怎么知道有刻字 How'd you know it was inscribed?
不是定制的吗 我猜的 Well, isn't that the custom? I just assumed it was.
对了 我得换身衣服了 Well, listen, uh, I have got to get some fresh rags.
谢谢你的支票 回头见 Thanks for the check. I'll see you around.
你放心好了 Oh, you can count on it.
-你确定吗 -确定 - Are you sure? - Yes.
我测了五次 I peed on five different sticks.
能不能把玉米煎饼拿走 闻着想吐 Would you put that burrito away? It's making me nauseous.
慢慢习惯吧 Join the club.
我知道你父母是虔诚的信徒 Look, I-I know your parents are religious,
但我知道一家诊所 but I know this clinic.
-当然不行 -我们还有别的选择吗 - Absolutely not. - So what other choice do we have?
不知道啊 你可以娶我啊 Well, gee, you could, like, marry me!
娶你 我可受不了你 Marry you? I can't stand you.
和孩子他妈说话客气点 Oh, nice way to talk to the mother of your child.
天啊 Oh, God.
我想吐 Bathroom.
朱莉 你好啊 Julie. Hi.
我看你门开着 Your door was open.
-我能进来吗 -你来做什么 - Can I come in? - Uh, what are you doing here?
我读了信了 I read your letter.
你写得如此感人 我不知所措 I had no idea it would be so sweet.
我知道你是发自肺腑的 I could really tell it came from your heart.
不怕你笑话 我哭了 I'm embarrassed to admit, I cried.
我姑姑昨夜喝醉了 My Aunt Edie sort of tied one on last night.
反正 我想说 我的回答是 Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is...
我没意见 OK.
没意见 OK?
我们可以重新来过 We can try again.
朱莉 太好了 Julie, that's great.
我很想跟你好好谈谈 And I wanna talk about this,
但我现在必须照料我姑姑 but I just kinda need to take care of my aunt.
-我明天给你打电话好吗 -好 - Can I call you tomorrow? - Sure.
我们这次不要操之过急 We're going to have to take things slow.
因为重新信任你 需要时间 Because it'll be a while before I can trust you again.
我懂 I understand.
谢谢你 布鲁诺 这牛肉挺不错 Thank you, Bruno.The veal was excellent.
还要甜点吗 Feel like dessert?
不用了 谢谢 我饱了 No, thank you. I'm stuffed.
让我们为如此美好的夜晚干杯 Then let me propose a toast to a delightful evening,
为我们意外的偶遇干杯 and to the happy accident that brought us together.
维克多 你可真狡猾 Victor. You are so full of crap.
-怎么讲 -根本就没有什么偶遇 - What? - There was no accident.
我知道是你吩咐司机故意撞我的车 I know you told your chauffeur to ram my car.
我干嘛要那么做 Why would I do that?
出于同样的意图 For the same reason
你佯装"忘记"在支票上签名 you "forgot" to sign the check.
从我们相遇的那刻开始 You've been working me
你就一直想诱我上钩 since the second we met,
而我随后也相当地配合你 and I've been on to you every step of the way.
你笑什么 有什么好笑的吗 What? What's so funny?
我在赞叹你的"老奸巨猾"呢 I just called you a manipulative jerk.
看来我低估你了 I think I underestimated you.
我原本以为我们的恋情会更有趣些 I also think this relationship got a lot more interesting.
我们之间没什么恋情可言 There is no relationship.
这是我们最后一次会面 This is our last date.
跟我在一起你不觉得快乐吗 You didn't have any fun?
还行吧 你的笑话还不错 It was OK. You know, you told a few good jokes.
而且你长得还行 不难看 You're sort of charming, you're not bad-looking.
但我要找个更好的 I just think I can do better.
你不觉得 我是个猎手吗 Have you not noticed, I'm a catch?
我看出来了 但我没上你贼船 I have noticed, and I'm throwing you back.
加布 我可以这么跟你讲 Gabby, let me tell you something.
我这一辈子 只要是真心想要得到何物 For my whole life, whenever I've truly wanted something,
我从未失手 I've always gotten it.
而就在今晚 And tonight, right around the time
从你称我"老奸巨猾"的那一刻起 you were calling me a manipulative jerk,
我下定决心 一定要得到你 I decided I truly want you.
小心哦 猛烈的追势已经到来 So brace yourself, the chase is on.
随你怎样 但相信我 You can chase me all you want, but trust me,
我不会让你得逞的 I'm way too fast for you.
布鲁诺 我一定会娶她为妻 Bruno... I'm going to marry that girl.
能容我说一句吗 Can I just say something?
你本人可比资料上火辣多了 You're way hotter than your profile.
好多人都这么说 So many guys say that.
-怎么了 -我朋友的孩子在外面呢 - What's wrong? - My friend's kid is out there.
我有一个好主意 我们上楼去吧 Hey, I got an idea, let's go upstairs.
我必须有言在先 I should warn you,
医生说我嗜性成瘾 my therapist says I'm sexually compulsive.
这是数小时的持久战 This could take hours.
不管你有什么问题 我们都会齐力解决 Whatever your issues are, we will work them out together.
都晚上11点了 他一个人在外面干嘛 It's almost eleven. What is he doing out there by himself?
我确信 他父母肯定知道他在外头 I'm sure his folks know he's out there.
放松 Now relax.
非常抱歉 我保证我马上回来 I'm so sorry. I'll be right back. I promise.
崔沃斯 你在外面干嘛啊 Hey, Travers, what are you doing out here?
-你妈人呢 -她去探望一个病友了 - Where's your mom? - She had to go visit a sick friend.
跟我来 Come on.
不行 我来可不是为了照看这个小毛孩 No way. I didn't come over here to baby-sit some little brat!
-他听得到 -我不管 - He can hear you. - I don't care!
听我说 他妈妈很快就要回来了 Look, his mother's bound to be home soon, all right?
然后 我们接着重拾旧火 Then we can pick up where we left off.
算了吧 我已经没那个心情了 Forget it. I am officially no longer in the mood.
抱歉 我把你的约会搞砸了 Sorry. I ruined your date.
没关系 That's OK.
他只是个恶俗的女人 She was a very bad lady
想对我做很多恶俗不堪的事而已 who wanted to do very, very bad things to me.
晚安 罗尔 Night, Raoul!
你儿子在我这里 卡洛斯
你究竟去哪了 Where the hell have you been?
我出去了 一小时而已 I, uh... ducked out. Just for an hour.
真搞笑 That's funny.
我三小时前就发现崔沃斯在街上玩 I found Travers wandering the streets three hours ago.
我离开时他还好好的 Look, he was fine when I left.
我也没想到他后来会出去玩 I just didn't know he'd go outside.
谁知道八岁大的孩子会做出什么事来 Yeah, you never know what an 8-year-old's gonna do.
所以你才要监督他们 That's why you supervise them.
你没有资格指责我 You don't get to judge me.
你连孩子都没有 You don't have a kid.
要是我有的话 肯定对他比你好百倍 Well, if I did, I'd treat him a hell of a lot better than you do.
感谢上帝 幸亏他跟他爸 Thank God he lives with his father.
拜托 你是怎么为人母的 I mean, come on! What kind of mother are you?
不劳你教训我 我要带我儿子回家 If you are done lecturing me, I would like my son now.
他睡着了 He's asleep.
明早再来吧 等你酒醒了再说 Come and get him in the morning when you're sober.
伙计 你老妈来接你了 Hey, buddy! Your mom's here for you!
在你眼里 我是个糟糕透顶的人 I know you think I'm a terrible person.
我可没这么说 I never said that.
糟糕的妈妈 糟糕的人 都一个意思 Terrible mother, terrible person. It's the same thing.
因为无论她做了什么 Because no matter what else she does,
只要她是个不称职的母亲 if a woman isn't a good mother,
她就是个失败者 对吧 she's a failure, right?
听我说 当我怀着崔沃斯的时候 Look, um, when I had Travers,
我就很清楚自己的情况 I, uh, I knew I was in over my head.
所以查尔斯跟我分开时 And when Charles and I split,
我放弃了孩子的监护权 I gave him custody...
因为我希望孩子能在最好的环境下成长 ...because I wanted my son to have the best life possible.
这样看来 我不是一个好妈妈 And that doesn't make me a good mother,
但我认为我是个忠于现实的妈妈 but I like to think it makes me a realistic one.
-妈妈 -小家伙 - Hey, Mom! - Hey, champ!
-我好想你 -我也想你 - I missed you! - I missed you, too.
知道吗 Guess what.
我们今天有好多开心的事要做 I've got so many fun things for you to do today.
太好了 Cool!
-谢谢你的冰淇淋 -不客气 - Thanks for the ice cream. - My pleasure.
回见 小家伙 I'll see you, little man.
-崔沃斯说他这次会呆一个月 -是的 - Travers said he's staying a month. - Yeah.
如果需要人带他 尽管开口 So if you ever need a babysitter, just yell.
非常感谢你 I appreciate that.
等等我 Wait for me!
不 我才不要中提琴手 我要的是小提琴手 No, I don't want a viola player. I asked for a violinist.
我都不知道什么是中提琴 I don't even know what a viola is!
是吗 大号小提琴 Oh, it's just a big violin?
行 那好吧 晚上八点见 OK, yeah, sure. OK, I'll see you at eight.
什么情况 What was that?
就是想给你一个小惊喜而已 It's just a little surprise, OK?
-别问了 -"别问了" 真好 - Let it go. - "Let it go." That's cute.
你还是招了吧 Start talking.
我就是为周年纪念做了点小安排 I planned a little something for our anniversary.
我能说的就这么多 That is all I'm gonna say.
行 行 那好 OK. OK, OK.
既然你这么坚持 那我还得送你点什么 If we're doing this, I need to buy you something.
-你想要什么 -你不用给我买什么 - What do you want? - You don't have to buy me anything.
本来不要你安排什么 但你说话不算话 You didn't have to plan anything, but you did.
我们可是有言在先的 Even though we had an agreement.
你喜欢领带是吧 那就送你领带好了 You like ties? You're getting a tie.
你这是生的哪门子气 What are you getting so upset about?
我忙了一整天 I have been dragging my ass all day.
就想回家洗个热水澡 上床睡觉 And the only thought that's kept me going is the hot bath.
但现在我还要抽时间做头发 And now I have to do my hair,
刮腿毛 and shave my legs...
那你到底想怎样 勒奈特 So what do you want to do, Lynette?
你告诉我啊 Just tell me what you want.
我已经说了啊 I told you what I want.
热水澡 早点睡觉 Hot bath, bed early.
但你当耳边风 But you chose not to listen.
好吧 那我只有把一切都取消了 Well, OK, I guess I could just cancel the whole thing.
你就孤枕独眠吧 You can have your dream evening alone.
我晚上出去打牌什么的 I'll get up a poker game or something
谢谢 Thank you.
顺便说一句 我也劳累了一天 Hey, you know what? I've been dragging my ass all day, too.
知道我是怎么撑过来的吗 You know what got me through it?
就想跟你过个特别的日子 The idea of doing something special with you.
周年快乐 Happy anniversary.
好了 我去跟你妈妈会合了 All right, I'm off to join your mother.
酒店电话号码就在冰箱上 有事打电话给我们 The hotel number's on the fridge in case there's a problem.
布里说她手机信号不好 Bree said her cell phone isn't getting good reception.
坦白说 我们眼前就有麻烦 Uh, actually, we kinda already have a problem.
我快要误机了 I'm already late for my flight.
能否等数周后再谈 Can this wait a few weeks until we're back?
-行啊 当然可以 -很好 - Yeah, this could wait a few weeks. - Oh, good.
只不过 这个问题还可以等上九个月 I mean, heck, this particular problem could wait nine months.
上帝啊 Good Lord.
洗得怎样 How was your bath?
还是没法放松 Oh, I couldn't relax.
满脑子都是之前跟汤姆吵架的情形 I just kept replaying the fight I had with Tom in my head.
其实 你老公就是想跟你浪漫一下 Well, at least your husband tries to be romantic.
每次结婚周年纪念日 Every anniversary,
吉尔伯特都会给我买台电器 Gilbert bought me an appliance.
最后那次 他买了一台吸尘器给我 On the last one, he gave me a vacuum cleaner.
两周后 他就去世了 但我没有哭 He died two weeks later. I didn't cry.
会是谁呢 Who could that be?
来说说我的想法 Here's what we're thinking.
显而易见 叫你们两个结婚 Clearly, the idea of the two of you getting married
这很荒谬 is ridiculous.
那你要我怎么办 So, what do you want me to do?
很欣慰你能这么说 Glad you asked.
布里跟我决定 Bree and I have decided that
带上丹妮尔一起度蜜月 Danielle will join us on our honeymoon.
等我们回来时 When we return,
我们就与朋友相告 说她出国留学了 we'll tell our friends she's decided to study abroad.
等她产下婴儿 Once the baby's born
找到合适的家庭收养孩子 她再回来 and adopted by a suitable family, she'll come home.
-那我呢 -你离开 - What about me? - You leave.
离开 Leave?
离开美景镇 别与任何人谈及 Get out of Fairview and don't tell a soul why,
对你姑姑也不许讲 not even your aunt.
-我不能那么做 -为什么 - I can't do that. - Why not?
我要尽我的责任 我不想辜负别人 I've got responsibilities. People are counting on me.
是的 你搞大我继女肚子前 Yeah, but you should've thought
就应该想到这一点 before impregnating my stepdaughter.
我说了 我是不会走的 I said I'm not leaving!
兄弟 别激动 Oh, easy there, Turbo.
让我跟他单独聊聊 Uh, we'll be right back.
你小子到底不想辜负谁 So who exactly is counting on you, hmm?
朱莉·梅尔吗 Julie Mayer, maybe?
她重新给了我机会 She gave me another chance.
我没法抛下她就此离开 I can't leave if I've got a shot with her.
若是朱莉知道 What's gonna happen
你搞大我妹妹肚子会如何 when Julie finds out you knocked up my sister?
你继父不是说要隐瞒这事吗 Didn't your stepdad say no one's gonna find out about that?
那好 我这么说吧 OK, try this.
朱莉是个好姑娘 Julie's a nice girl.
而你 是个混蛋 And you, well, you're a dog.
别介意 我自己也是个混球 No knock. I'm a dog lover, myself.
但你真的配不上朱莉 But Julie deserves better.
你也清楚 最终你还是会背叛她 And you know you'll just end up cheating on her.
不 我不想再伤害她 No, I won't hurt her again.
你当然会 Sure you will.
或许不是现在 Not right away.
也许你会忍住半年 Maybe you'll hold out for six months.
但那样的话 她会伤得更深 But by then it'll hurt her even more.
我说得对吗 Am I wrong?
你扪心自问 You just have to ask yourself.
自己能配得上她吗 If you can be the kind of guy she needs you to be.
如果不能 那就放手吧 And if you can't, walk away.
兄弟们 啤酒备好了 Beer is on the house, guys.
畅饮吧 最好烂醉如泥 把钱输光 Drink fast, get stupid, lose money.
麦克 Mike!
大家好 Hey, buddy.
奥森 你见过了的 对吧 Hey, you know Orson, right?
-是啊 -你好啊 邻家兄弟 - Oh, yeah. - Hey, neighbor.
我们赶紧开局吧 Hey, so, let's get started, huh?
每人五张牌 一注两块 Five cards start, two dollar ante.
-男士们 晚上好 -伊恩 - Good evening, gentlemen. - Ian!
晚上好 伊恩 Hey... Ian.
见到你真高兴 麦克 Nice to see you, Mike.
这个英国佬怎么来了 What is fish and chips doing here?
是苏珊让我叫上他 Susan asked me to include him.
说他一直想学怎么玩牌 Said hee's always wanted to learn how to play poke.
我们得好好给他上一课 So we're gonna give him some very expensive lessons.
当心点 他早就会糊弄人了 Be careful. He already knows how to bluff.
你怎么样啊 How's it going?
还不赖 Good, good.
我来是想告诉你 我要离开这里一阵子 Uh, I just wanted to tell you, I have to leave town for a while.
是吗 遇到什么麻烦了吗 Really? Is something wrong?
不是 没有 只是家里有点事情 No, no, no, it's just family stuff.
我也不知道何时再回来 I don't know exactly when I'll be back.
可能要一段日子 It could be a while, though.
这样啊 Oh... OK.
我想跟你说 能再给我一次机会 I just want you to know that it means a lot
对我意义重大 that you were willing to give me a second chance.
因为从没有人这么对我 You're like the only person that's ever done that.
-奥斯丁 到底怎么了 -没事 - Austin, what's going on? - Nothing.
我得走了 Uh, it's just... I have to go.
再见 朱莉 Goodbye, Julie.
奥斯丁 Austin!
我跟 I'll raise you.
我退出 I'm out.
又一名勇士牺牲了 Another courageous move from Foldilocks.
我跟 同花顺 K最大 I'll call you. Flush, king high.
三加二 三张7 和一对恶棍 Full house, sevens and knaves.
杰克 我们叫"杰克" Jacks! We call them jacks!
兄弟 这里是你的幸运屋啊 Boy, this is your lucky room.
我那晚听说你订婚了 Yes, I heard about your engagement the other night.
恭喜 Congratulations.
说到这里 伊恩 Yeah, about that, Ian...
求婚是即兴而起 Was that proposal spontaneous,
还是提早准备的呢 or did you have it all planned?
完全是准备好的 Oh, it was entirely planned.
然后找准良机 顺势下手 I thought it'd be the ideal occasion.
如果事先准备好 怎么连戒指也没有 Oh, if it was planned, why didn't you have a ring?
我是觉得苏珊也许想自己挑选戒指 Well, I thought Susan might like to choose the ring herself.
大家下注吧 Ante up, boys.
那她干嘛为自己挑一枚不合大小的戒指呢 So why'd she pick a ring that was too big for her?
你怎么知道的 How did you know that?
伙计们 我们是过来玩牌的 Guys, guys, guys, guys, we came here to play cards.
干嘛扯到珠宝上去了 Why are we talking about jewelry?
抱歉 汤姆 Sorry, Tom.
我只是发现原来跑去给苏珊买戒指 But I found out I bought a ring for Susan myself.
把它装在衣兜里 It was in my pocket
结果那晚就被某个混蛋给撞了 that night some son of a bitch ran me over.
汤姆说得对 请大家专心玩牌 Tom's right. We should focus on the game.
跟你会完面 我给医院打了个电话 After our talk, I called the hospital.
他们说我有枚戒指和你妻子的遗物混了 They said my ring got in with your wife's stuff.
你先看到的 So you saw it before I did,
然后当天 你就向苏珊求了婚 the same day you proposed to Susan.
你想说什么 And your point is?
揭露你仓促求婚的真正原因 That that's why you were in such a big hurry.
你想在我发现此事并告诉她之前 You wanted to seal the deal before I found out about the ring
尘封真相 and told her.
-你觉得我会怕你吗 -这可不好说 - Do you think I'm afraid of you? - Maybe you should be.
你认为苏珊发现你 What do you think Susan would say
仓促求婚的真实动机之后会怎么想 if she found out why your proposal was so spontaneous?
伙计们 我们就简简单单玩牌好吗 Guys, can we just play?
我尽量 I'm trying.
那好 发牌吧 Fine. Deal.
-你好 -是斯加沃先生吗 - Hello. - Mr. Scavo?
我是豪车租赁公司的拉马尔 It's Lamar from the limo service.
车在中途爆胎了 Um, I got a flat,
可能得晚点过去接您跟您太太了 so I might be late picking up you and your wife.
你在说些什么啊 我都已经取消了 What are you talking about? I canceled you.
您没取消 No, you didn't.
我取消了啊 我给你留了语音 Yes, I did. I left you a message.
那我没收到 Oh, I must have missed it.
反正我已按照要求 把您太太送达目的地了 Anyway, I dropped your wife where you told me.
上帝啊 什么时候的事 Oh, God, when?
两个钟头前 About two hours ago.
兄弟们 走的时候别忘锁门 Guys, um, lock up when you're done!
我先 I'll open.
-我放弃 -我跟你 - I'm out. - And I'll raise you.
想来点啤酒吗 You want a beer?
汤姆走了 我们也出去逛逛 Tom's gone. Let's go open up the good stuff.
现在就剩下我们俩 要是你不退出的话 Well, looks like it's just you and me, if you're still in.
这手牌 我当然奉陪 With this hand? You bet I am.
我再跟 I'll re-raise.
我再跟 And raise again.
你的筹码貌似所剩无几啊 Your stack's looking kinda small.
你接受支票吗 Will you take a check?
你明知我没法再跟 You know I can't match that.
这样如何 How about this then?
如果你赢 支票归你 You win, you keep the money
而且随你怎么在苏珊面前告发我 and you tell Susan whatever you want.
要是我赢 你就给我闭嘴 If I win, you keep your mouth shut about the ring
并永远不再来打扰我和苏珊 and you leave me and Susan alone.
成交 Deal.
牌玩得怎样 How was the game?
我赢了 I won.
勒奈特 对不起 我非常抱歉 Lynette, I am so sorry! I am so sorry!
原计划是我驾着一辆马车去接你 然后 There was supposed to be a horse-drawn carriage and...
好极了 你总算收到了花 Oh, good, you got the flowers.
-咖啡吗 -是的 - Coffee? - Yes, please.
给她也来杯咖啡 谢谢 Yeah, she likes coffee, too. Thanks.
我真的非常非常 极其地抱歉 I'm really, really, really, really sorry...
请别再道歉 Please stop apologizing.
感谢你所安排的一切 I appreciate what you were trying to do.
想法真挺不错的 It was a lovely thought
但过程惊人地 异常地 荒诞无稽地离谱 that went hideously, hideously, hideously wrong.
要是孩子们发现 Wait until the kids find out
-你见到了活野狼 -过分 - you saw a real coyote. - Hideously.
好吧 我吸取教训 Well, I learned my lesson.
再没有下次了 不折腾任何惊喜 Never again. No more surprises.
从现在开始 我对你言听计从 From now on, I'll do exactly what you say.
你敢 Oh, don't you dare.
什么 What?
今晚我想了好久 I had a lot of time to think tonight.
最后我发现 你是对的 And I realized, you were right.
无论身心多么疲惫 We have to keep the romance going.
我们都必须保持浪漫的感觉 No matter how tired we are.
形式主义虽然不怎么棒 The only thing worse than just going through the motions
但总比懒得走过场要好得多 is not bothering to go through the motions.
所以明年 你准备接受我的惊喜咯 So you want me to surprise you next year?
你自己看着办吧 Knock yourself out.
等着瞧 我肯定能想出更妙的点子来 Just wait, because I will think of something even better.
经过这次折腾 Oh, after this year,
我真心希望下次别再让我挨饿受冻了 I'd be happy with any date that included food and shelter.
九年了 Nine years.
我深爱着其中的每一分 每一秒 And I have loved every minute of it.
我也是 Me, too.
环绕着巷子行驶一周 Take a drive down any street in suburbia.
是什么映入了眼帘 Know what you're gonna see?
都是些一脸丧气的男人们 A bunch of guys wearing the same expression.
他们的脸上写着 "真烦" It's a look that says, "Oh, crap.
"我的愿望永远无法实现" My dreams are never gonna come true.
"我的生活永远无法摆脱绯闻的困扰" I'll never have a life free from scandal.
"我永远无法拥有自己的儿子" I'll never have a son of my own.
"我永远无法将她重新揽回怀抱" I'll never hold her in my arms again.
"我永远无法对她坦言我的感受" I'll never get to tell her how I feel. "
不错 巷子里的男人都沉浸于绝望 Yeah, the suburbs are filled with
而无法自拔 a lot of men who've given up hope.
当然 有时候 Of course, every once in a while
你也会遇到一些走运的家伙 you do come across some lucky SOB
他们梦想成真 whose dreams have all come true.
知道这些人在何处吗 You know how you spot them?
这些人总是情不自禁地微笑 They're the ones who can't stop smiling.
是不是很叫人讨厌 Don't you just hate those guys?